what is it like to be in the senior year

Well hello there.

Here I am, writitng this post at 23.51 PM, currently finished making a PowerPoint presentation as I'm going to present - on my own - in front of my sociology teacher, about the local wisdom of a community or tribe. I meant to research so I could present more than what I serve inside the slides, but it's midnight already and I just don't have any oomph to do it. And there are more school assignments that I should finish before the 5th semester end - which often makes me feel stressed and anxious and it feels like I just want to skip school and go somewhere far away. 

Do you know how it feels like when you're fully aware with your grades yet you are too lazy to study or do your assignments? Yes, that's what I feel these days. I did remember the time when I was in eleventh grade, I was super ambitious and way too eager to get good scores (I used to put A or 100 for the target of the score of each exam - well, still ocassionally do it by now) and I just realize that I had been really annoying back then. A good friend of mine said that I pushed myself too far, way too obsessed with grades and was a victim of Kurikulum 2013 which (my friends thought) makes the students even busier with these endless assignments. Despite the ambitious-thingy, I still think (by now) that I had my best moments when I was in eleventh grade.

I realize how much I hate senior year. Well some of you might think that being a senior is awesome - you're the one who rule the school and you can make fun of the freshmen and juniors whatever you want. 

Well no. It's not awesome. It's terrible. 

I've got lots of pressure since I started my senior year. I need to keep my grades stable so I can be accepted in my dream uni without joining the test (SBMPTN) as I think that the SBMPTN questions are difficult AF. In other side that I have to keep practicing my drawing skill as I want to take faculty of arts and design so bad - yet I don't have time to do that at home. After school I still need to study for tomorrow's exam, or do other assignments, or design something according to the clients' requests (yea I'm a freelancer now). I feel like 24 hours is not enough to finish all tasks so I can just breathe and live a life peacefully without anything to do. 

Not in spite of the fact that I am terrible in time managing. I used to do anything spontaniously because I feel that my brain just works and is full of ideas during hours before the deadline. That's why I always sleep very late. I feel that my brain is highly productive during the night and 'fall asleep' during the day. I know it's not good tbh. My mom and my teacher told me that it wasn't a good lifestyle, since God has given the day to do our activites and night to take a rest. For me, it's upside down. Well, I tried to fix this bad habit. I tried. But somehow it's hard, like really hard. 

Maybe some of you will think you're not that stressed when being a senior year and thnk I exaggerate to much about that. Maybe you'll think I take everything seriously. And I confess that I do take everything seriously, too seriously, in fact. I worry too much about something, sometimes think that my life will end when I can't get the score that I want. I'm some sort of afraid that I might have mental illness which has been haunting me since eleventh grade. 

But these days, I convince myself that my life won't end just because I fail on a test (even I still can be so emotional because of that sometimes). I convince myself that I can be successful in my own way. Grades are just small parts that'll will bring a little effect on our success. I learnt that what makes us successful is how we control our emotion when facing various kinds of events or problems. 

When you fall and it feels hurtful, cry. Cry until you feel better. We're human anyway. We don't have to pretend that everything is okay even everything is absolutely not okay. But friend, don't forget to get up. Time flies so fast and there are lots of positive things that we can do. 

It's 0.42 AM already here in Depok. I write this because I've got mental breakdown these days and I need a place to release all my stress. I hope you'll get something postive with this post. :)

(tbh i feel so relieved after writing this post)

my first infographic(s) + study tour trailer

So on March two friends of mine asked me if I could help them making infographics for the competition that they joined. These are the results. 

Hello readers!

Oh yes where have I been? I almost abandoned this blog ha-ha.

So it has been months (again and again) since I posted my last post about my vacation to blue lake. I actually just had a very amazing study tour on March and I can't wait to show you guys the photos! But before I post them, I'll show you the trailer of our study tour documentary serial (yes I made it with my best friend as a documentary serial with five episodes. Now there are three episodes on my YouTube channel and I really hope you guys enjoy watching it as much as I enjoy making it!

 

the trailer

 

day one and two - departure

blue lake

Wew have I been MIA for more than a half year?

So I've got to tell you what happened in past half year, where I didn't even check out my own blog (though I guess I was "enjoying" my time as an eleventh grader which has much more school work and stuff). 

In fact, nothing special happened. 

Unless on Teacher's Day in November 25th where all of the students (as usual) in my school gave a big surprise for all teachers. Then we sang Hymne Guru and little bit speech and so on. Quite fun, actually, and I keep the photos and videos that I think I'll start editing it so I can upload it on Youtube. If it is possible. (school work, duh)

And I realize that I start focusing myself on academic much more intensively. Though my grades are improved, but you can't imagine how stressed I was in the first semester to get a good score. But, with that kind of stress I think I have improved my own skills on something that I didn't really master. 

Just say that I wasn't a really good presenter in the class. I think it's because I was hoping a good score so I tried myself to be a good presenter. It worked tho. :) and after that I don't present by reading all the materials in my power point. Even sometimes I still feel nervous before getting in front of the class. But believe me, I'm eager to try again and again. 

Like my last task in LIA before I pass High Intermediate - 4. We're expected to make an essay about anything we like and we'll present it in front of our classmates and some of HI - 4 teachers. And some of the audiences will ask some questions about our essay and so on. So it'll be like a small council. The first time I practiced in front of the class was kind of a nightmare for me, though I hadn't presented something in full English about something that I master and I should improve my presentation in case I forget. My teacher taught me that I was like speaking on my own since I talked too fast and in low voice. 

(I actually had presented in full English before in LIA. But I just memorize what I wrote without knowing or mastering any of my writing in English Class at school and my teacher mostly pays attention with our grammar beside the topic of our essay, and I know that I still have a really bad grammar)

And you know I have more essays to do at school; like making a review of a movie that I've watched. Review a movie means review everything I watched; the plot, the acting, the composition, plus-minus, the production, and the differences when compared to other movies that are almost the same. I reviwed Big Eyes because I just watched it a couple weeks ago on TV and I compared it with The Danish Girl. It took three pages for the review and I didn't believe it at first; I'm afraid it's way too long and I'm afraid for the bad grammar. 

 (Reviewing a movie is an Indonesian task btw, and I've got to say that I'm worse in Indonesian than English and I think that Indonesian grammar is way harder than English. I don't know about the others. Technically it's hard for me to get above 90 in Indonesian)

Well I guess I'm done with telling about my school task and activities. Most of my activities in the first semester were so-so; nothing special but nothing bad too. I'm eager to tell about my holiday in July! 

(wew, it's half a year ago)

So my family went overseas to Banjarmasin, three days after Idul Fitri, a week before school started. And how I really missed staying at my grandma's, having a sleepover with my cousins, playing games with my bros, and of course - exploring Banjarmasin! 

On the third day in Banjarmasin, we set up a plan for visiting one of Banjarmasin's tourists destinations: Danau Biru, Pengaron, Banjarmasin. 

the lake was actually place for digging coal, so I'm pretty sure that the lake contains kind of chemicals and minerals. But it makes the lake beautiful. TIP: if would be better if you go there with jeep or kind of manual cars 

 

 

 

 

 

 

well I'm hoping that we can have other trip on the next holiday. :)